..Preparation..

getting married is tiring! huhu...

I really dont know camner nk wat persiapan nih. n even the budgeting ~ no wonder some people sampai terpaksa wat pinjaman just for the wedding. jauhkan laa kiteorg dr mende2 nih (abah cakap; kawin ikut sunnah nabi, jgn ikut sunnah melayu.. hoho..... that's sooo true).

countdown: 88 days (lambat lagi.. hoho.. tp knp semua org pun dh stat bising awe x gi tempah baju n x wat kad lagi?..)

my checklist (yg terfikir je):

baju: kain je yg dh beli; tudung x beli lagi, kasut x beli lagi, td dh tepon tailor, next week akan gi tanah merah (sejam fr usm) utk hntr kain. td gi survey kt area sini, gler ah, tempahan dh tutup sbb dh ramai org hntr kain utk wat baju raya.. huhu.. sabo je laa..

kad: still xtau nk book online ke tempah kedai. dua2 dh gi survey, xde yg berkenan. nk kene book seribu lebih for both sides. huhu..

makan: abah yg handle (alhamdulillah.. sayang abah! )

langsir: weekend aritu baru beli kain. 1st time beli kain langsir.. terasa teramat laa mahal. terpaksa budget seribu just utk langsir =/

bilik: siap renovate! (thanks abah again!).. perabot pun dah beli. nk kene settle all those mende yg merepek= hiasan bilik (penting ke?.. nway.. )

hantaran: one BIG problem. abah x suke ade hntaran2 nih. but his family nk bawak jugak. so need to settle bab2 mereply hntaran myself. mama xnak masuk campur.. *sigh.. nway, work it out later. setakat nih, list yg dh ade: kamera, jam, kain sampin, tie, kemeja (size ape pakcik tu pakai pun xtau.. hoho)

souviner for guest: ni xde idea langsung nk beli ape n berape..

mekap: x penting kot. i got my own lip balm n compact powder.. owh... i even own a set of eye-shadow (maryam kasi masa bday time final year..hoho..) sure mngamuk my aunties n uncles nnti.

photographer: tgh pikir lagi..

.... dah pening. n x tau ape lg yg nk kene letak dlm list. the problem is, i dont have time to go and survey the price. duk dalam lab fr 8 to 6 (sometimes till 7). mlm x kuar umah dah. jumaat kedai tutup. the only time yg nk kuar gi kedai is on saturday.. n x tau laa knp, my saturday selalu full.. uh uh....

okay... back to my lab work <- tgh pening2 ngadap questionnaire actually.. BERUSAHALAH!

...keep holding on..

..when its get cold

and it feels like the end

there's no place to go

you know i wont give in..

estranged by the distance.. iA it wont happen to us. but being far from everyone that can advice n guide me, sometimes the emptiness is just too much for me bear. i miss those moments when we sit together, listening to tazkirah; trying not to be annoyed by the not-too-clear online usrah; tadarus; handling prog umum; jaulah; cooking n baking; n even studying silently.

those are the friends whom you love dearly n keep close to your heart, even when you fight with each other.




it feels too cold now.. my heart is getting colder, n it's really hard to find a hand for me to grab and hold. wishing that i'm with everyone.. but i know that i need to go on. everyone has taken their own way. we lead on different life, but our path is the same, iA.. doakan awe.. moga terus tsabat, moga terus diberi kekuatan.. iA, i wont give in to this emptiness, n i wont let this loneliness to swallow my heart..

"Would I Befriended Me?"

Last time, i read my friend's motivational book, n it raised a funny question: "would you marry you?" as you can tell, it supposed to make you think about yourself.. if u met someone with characteristics exactly like yourself, would you like to marry him or her? okayy... mayb 'marrying' someone is a bit extreme, so i changed the ques for ME to think, 'would I befriended me?'

last few days, i've been in quite a 'sickening' mood.. 'sickening' as in really 'annoying' for someone to be with me. i realized that, but that time i was mad with someone, n it satisfied me to be 'sickening' just to annoy that someone. that's very childish of me. n i dont even think bout others around me that will be affected by my behaviour. so.... would i befriended me? when i was acting like that? regrettably, the answer is a BIG 'NO' =(

asking that question to myself.. i started making few honest lists about myself.. my mahmudah, n my mazmumah characteristics... n sadly, it seems like i had too much mazmudah in me.. sob sob... i get angry easily, cepat merajuk, cepat terasa hati, pemalas nak kemas umah, suke komplain, etc etc... *sigh... it's hard to change.. but i'll work hard to be a better me. being in tarbiyyah should make it easier, but there r too much jahiliyyah in me that dh berkarat2 dah =/
nway, BERUSAHALAH!!!!!

ps: after this mmg kene tanya myself 'would i marry me?' heh heh....

~ an Ayah per Day Keeps the Syaitans Away~

Daily Ayah:

"Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): "Tidak sama yang buruk dengan yang baik, walaupun banyaknya yang buruk itu menarik hatimu. Oleh itu bertaqwalah kepada Allah wahai orang-orang yang berakal fikiran, supaya kamu berjaya" (Al-Maidah, 05:100)

*this is my fav ayat, but (may Allah forgives me), i tend to forgot to apply it in mylife.. =(

Daily Hadith:

Diriwayatkan daripada Nabi SAW, Baginda bersabda:

"Sebesar-besar kebajikan itu ialah berakhlak dgn akhlak yang baik, dan dosa itu ialah perasaan bimbang dalam jiwa dan engkau tidak suka keadaan itu diketahui oleh orang lain."

(H.R Muslim)

* i'm still in my muhasabah mode..

Rasulullah said that 'dosa is perasaan bimbang dlm hati'.. i admit that sometimes i did feel the feeling of uneasiness.. but kerana kelamahan diri, i tend to ignore.. listening to Pandangan Mata by Hijjaz, i was put into a deep thoughts when it says that when we pollute our hearts, we wont be seeing the truth anymore.. moga2 Allah x terus menhijap hati awe from seeing n feeling the truth.

doakan awe.. (missing those who always give me peringatan... pray that i'll always mujahadah n istiqamah even without my thoifah n hawariyyun di sisi.. moga Allah temukn teman2 sebaik mereka di sisi.. amiinn)