Goodbye 2012~~

image fr HERE

Assamualaikummm~~

bertemu di penghujung tahun 2012. pejam celik pejam celik, dah akhir tahun.. xterasa pun. masing2 duk cakap pasal azam or resolusi kan? i never had a list of resolution. siyes! maybe bcoz i'm not disciplined enough to follow my own resolutions. hihi... 

nway, what had i achieved this year? nothing much actually.. been lazying around to much. 

- school work? alhamdulillah, successfully presented my masters viva in the middle of the year, and completed my study. now PHD on the way, insyaAllah :-B

- personal life? no progress.. trying to the point of giving up, but still hanging in there..semoga diberi kekuatan dan kesabaran, n semoga dipermudahkan -no need to understand-

- last but not least.. culinary? i had list going on and on of what i want to bake and cook.. seriously.. after few year, this year i managed to get my hand on a food processor (finally!) and a coffee-maker (thanks laling :x ), hmm.. what else? got most of the electronic stuff last year when we first moved to bintulu...

gambar hiasan sahaja..

** pic above: looks good, but taste not that good. it supposed to be non-bake layer cheesecake, but it tasted like a jellied pudding. waste of all that money to make this. i think the recipe called for too much gelatine, need to improvised before posting the recipe.

List of what I want to make this year and year before but still didnt manage to merajinkan diri :P :
-  cheeseatart - cuma berjaya beli acuan je.huhu
- apam polkadot.. hahaha.. semua org dh mcm2 rupa jd apam ni, tun still x buat lg.
- Deco roll cake.. =P~ drooling at this, xtau bila nk buat
- Hokkaido chiffon cupcakes - xjumpa acuan cupcake yg keras tu
- RVC.. still berkira2 n cuak nengok amount of red colouring. can i omit that?

there are other long list of stuff that i want to make, but this list here.. i'd been thinking of making them since forever! LOL~ nway, skan berusaha this year ^^

 okies dukie.. n3 merapu2 so that I had some thing to reflect on. hope everyone had a better year. and will have a more delightful year in 2013 :D

/bye

interlude lagi?

Assalamualaikum~~

bertemu kembali dgn hari jumaat, penghulu segala hari. dh tahun baru hijrah, xlama lg tahun baru masihi pulak.. tiba2 terasa risau dgn umur yg meningkat, tp arah tuju hidup masih x menentu dan tak byk achievement yg blh dibanggakan.. uu uuu.. sedih pulak rasanya.. kdg2 terlalu byk penyesalan dalam hidup, tp menyesal kemudian tiada gunanya.. betul x? semoga lebih bijak membuat keputusan yg mendatang. even takdir Allah pun boleh berubah dengan usaha, jadi teruslah berdoa semoga menjadi orang yg tidak cepat berputus asa, dan pada masa yg sama tetap redha atas apa jua ketentuanNya.

erk.. mode tazkirah kah? sebenarnya hati x menentu dgn ujian yg datang. kdg2 terpikir 'kenapa aku?'... astaghfirullah.. ujian blh mendekatkan diri padaNya, tp kalau termakan hasutan syaitan, blh jadikan manusia itu futur. moga dijauhkan. pagi ini juga bertanya khabar sahabat maya yg sedang juga ditimpa ujian.. bak kata kak anna, semoga dia kembali pulih.. sama2 mencari kekuatan utk terus redha, insyaAllah.

hmm.. nway, xde resepi utk dikongsi.. udang galah ni ada orang bagi (semoga terus murah rezeki kamu). 1st time makan udang galah. besar2 udang dia. nk bersihkan pun mcm terkial2, last2 my laling yg buatkan semua.. me tumiskan je dlm kuali.. masak sambal semua pandai kot. mcm ayam masak merah je.. isi sgt padat! tp me lagi suka makan udang yg biasa tu. 

ok laa.. masa utk membuat kerja sekolah. dh akhir tahun pun, dah xleh delay n malas2. 

THANK YOU!!! ^^ dh 100k rupa2nya

Assalamualaikummm~~~

hari ni terasa berbunga-bunga bahagia. pagi smlm dh tgk dh nombor kt page view tu, 99 000++.. wah.. teruja kejap, pastu sepetang sampai la mlm tak ngadap tenet sebab laptop wat hal. adapter rosak, laptop dh 5 tahun umurnya, dr time degree lagi nih. pastu bateri pun dh weak. tukar adapter baru, bila pegang lappy ni, mcm ada electric current ngalir. xkuat, tp terasa la jugak.. bahaya, kan? so kurangkan penggunaan smp laa my laling free nk gi tukar adapter nih..

nway, pagi ni tgk pageview 100 200! terasa sangat terharu.. walaupun orang lain dh beratus2 ribu view kan, tp bagi tun, mmg x terjangka pun ramai orang sudi singgah dapur yg serba kekurangan nih.. resepi2 pun banyak yang copy2 org punya je. nak reka sendiri x pandai.. dah laa baru setahun jagung aktif berblog.. tun start blog ni pun sbb my laling ckp kalau tulis blog boleh la share smtg yg bermanfaat. eh, masa tu blom my laling lagi.. still 'saya awak'.. hihi.. more than 2 years ago, x kawin pun lagi.. pastu dh stat blog tulis 2-3kali dh x tau nk tulis apa, dan  after that busy dgn persediaan kawin, pastu sambung master. bila mr.H me transfer bintulu (and my mum-in-law ckp 'kene ikut pindah'), baru la ada masa utk bereksperimen di dapur. masa tu cuma kenal myresepi, pastu few blogs mcm hanamemories. bila dah stat blog masak2 ni, baru laa slow2 kenal bloggers masak2 yg sgt happening. mula2 kenal kak haSue, pastu kak Nor, kak Izah, dan kak Mas. ingat lagi mula2 tegur kak haSue sbb ikut resepi crispy fried bread.. dgn sportingnyer kak sue dtg tulis komen kat n3 tun. mmg sgt terharu. terima kasih akak. 

memang baru 10 bulan tun aktif berblog, tapi terasa kenal rapat dengan semua rakan2 bloggers.. 1st time terima parcel dr kawan alam maya (kak nor hantar cajun), pastu 1st time berbalas msg dgn kawan blogger (kak anna), chatting2 kat FB, sampai laa bertentang mata dgn kak sue dan kak lieza.. dlm masa 10 bulan ni memang terasa sgt byk ukhuwah yg bertaut.. semoga ukhuwah kita semua berpanjangan, dan tun doa ada rezeki utk berjumpa dgn semua rakan2 bloggers.

wah.. apesal rasa mcm tulis novel/diary nih? huhuhu.. mode terharu, mula laa mengarang mcm surat cinta kan.. hihi.. apa2 pun, terima kasih sekali lagi kepada semua pengunjung Life is a constant battle.. tun amat menghargai semua pembaca yg tinggal jejak mahupun silent reader.. terima kasih..

hmmm.. sebagai menghargai kunjungan semua, tun ingat kan wat GA, tp xde idea nk GA pasal apa, dan xtau nk beli hadiah apa.. nnti dh ada hadiah2 yg sesuai, tun buat GA ye, insyaAllah.. sementara tu, tun bagi bunga2 rose kat garden tu. petik sendiri ye..  kali ni spek matching baju, kaler biru.. n sebelah yg omey lote tu, mama tun.. omey kan.. hihi... 

lots of love,
tun_telani

Rambling

This used to be my personal, private blog. i'm someone who like to keep diary n pour my feelings, you know, when you are sad, or mad.. it's best to let it out, if not to another person, then, put it on writing.. but later, i came to realize that someone that i don't want to read some 'stupid = not very nice' thing that i wrote, actually read my blog. i don't know whether anyone can feel more embarrass. nway, since that, i stop writing 'too private' stuff and stop hiding my blog from public. huhu..

nway, wut am i rambling about? not as if anyone really care about that, rite? i should be writing my paper, but i'm feeling down (getting moody is my specialty). i don't even have the mood to cook (this is serious stuff, really!).. pity my hubby, i plan to make currypuff for him last nite (he went to bintulu again.. smtg about getting a security to adtec..), but i'm soo down that i just left the inti karipap go to sleep. huhu.. (pagi td sempat goreng cengkodok je.. sian pulok rasa..)..

am going to re-read those 'POINTS ON HOW TO BE BETTER IN YOUR LIFE'~ okay... number 25: However good or bad a situation is, it will change, pray to ALLAH. that's what i should do.. get a grip! He's there.. insyaAllah..

random pic.. rainbow from my window.

Quotable Quotes

"My happiness comes from the kindness of those around me"
(tohru, FB)

Welcome 2011

-> pic


It's already the 5th day of 2011..
nway, Happy New Year..
May this year brings happiness to all of us~

Miri.. here I come!

source: here

I looovveeeee eating sushi..
the only place where I can find shushi here is in Tesco :(
in NZ, we can easily buy short grain rice to make shushi.. kt sini.. jgn harap laa..
so, I hope there are lots of sushi place in Miri ^^

saying gudbye to my USM friends in Kltn.. will move to Miri in less than 3 weeks! yippee!! (yippee coz I dont really 'in-favour' of living here, not yippee coz i'll be living in sarawak.. huhuhu..)

ps: already survey tiket balik fr Miri.. hehe..ape2 pun nothing beats home!

~away

source: here

al-Fatihah~

Sometimes we take things for granted..
The life that we had..
The loved ones around us..
The money that never seems enough..
The clothes that we wear..
People always wanted more of everything, anything..
Rarely, we looked around..
Look at those in need..
Look at those who had less..
Look at those who struggle to live..- yet never once complaining

Today, I went to Puteri Harapan. It’s been a weekly routine since I moved here. Sometimes twice or trice per week. Had planned to go n meet my anak2 usrah since Wednesday, but was caught up with other social obligations.

Went to buy some sampul duit raya and some cookies first. I want to bake some cookies for them, but too preoccupied with other stuff, so main ngelat and bought some choc chips cookies in fancy boxes instead (later I realize that my choc chip cookies taste a lot better). Arrived, greeted by those kids that always seems excited when they see me (I always wonder, why.. I hardly memorized their names… =( sorry.. but it’s not my fault, there are more than 100 of them!).

Asked for angah, but she went out with the warden. So, asked whether Dillah was there, and was told that she already went back home. The girl said “emak dia kan dah takde”.. and I blur-ly asked “emak dia gi mane?”. . her mom died. Hit by a car while crossing the road. My sweet Dillah, always the most punctual one in usrah, and always the 1^st completed her homework, never once she missed my spm English class.. my sweet Dillah who had suffered the lost of a father, whose life had been so difficult, yet never giving up.. now, she lost her mother.

The 1^st time I went to her home was because her mom was sick, but didn’t want to be warded.. “takdo oghe nk jago hok bongsu”.. (no one to look after) her 12year-old brother. Her eldest sister is still in college, and her elder brother is still studying somewhere. The house was in a really ‘dhaif’ state.. her mum worked as a kitchen helper during the day, and sewing clothes when she had time. I remember cautiously stepping on the floor as it creaked under my foot.. here and there you can see holes straight to the ground. Today, I went to her home for the second time, greeted by some unfamiliar face –her uncle-. She’s still in her praying cloth. Still being strong, still smiling when she saw me. And it crosses my heart: the thought, why? she had suffered enough. . “Allah uji sebab sayang.. Allah uji sebab dia mampu hadapi..” I said that in my heart over and over again..

Silently, I pray.. May Allah gives her patients to face the test, May Allah gives her strength to carry on..

Al-Fatihah~

Convert or not to convert~

my 2nd milestone for biochemical analysis is in Dec, but, right now, there's only 1 analysis left. had just received my serum vit D kits, n iA aft raya holiday, i'll completed all my lab work n start focusing on the statistical analysis and writing up my thesis. it seems like i'll completed all my research and at least half of my thesis within 1 year.. so, am entitled for conversion.

b4 this, semangat berkobar2 nk convert phd.. sbb fikir nnti senang, xyah nk pening2 dh nk re-apply kt uni.. my supervisor pun dh start kasi journal2 utk dibaca for phd proposal.. but lately (not that recently.. this has been going on for quite sometimes) i just feel like packing up my stuff and move.. there's nothing wrong with uni, but sometimes i get too tired of traveling. being away from my family is one thing, but being away from my husband is a major thing. most of my money goes to the flight tickets to KL and for the petrol to travel home during weekends. money is a lame excuse, it's not that i'm having any financial difficulties or anything.. i just don't feel like having a pjj anymore..

kusut~

** looking at the journal without any progress since yesterday.. n keep flicking through the ad for rental apartment in gombak.. saya.nak.pindah.

test.. and failure~

"sabar itu pada permulaan".. a simple hadith that is very hard to follow.. i always lost my temper easily. but the worse is, i tend to let the whole world know when i'm angry =(

this time, i failed His tests again.. i didnt managed to control my anger at the car agent and also the insurance company for being soo slow in their work. i should have know that He granted rewards for those who are patients.. yet, i wasted His love for me by being short-tempered.. pardon me O' Allah.. grant me with patients and redha~

my rear windscreen 28th July 2010

a very good tazkirah by hurun een.. jazakillah dear..

reminder

"ada orang mintak, Allah kasi terus.. ada yang Allah kasi lambat, ada yang x kasi.. tp kita xleh laa nk marah kalau yg kita mintak x dapat. sbb rezeki Allah kasi beza2 kt semua org" my Abah told us after taa'lim just now.. common things that I already known.. but tazkirah is something that need to be told over and over again.

tonight it makes me feel better.

Alhamdulillah.

Ujian yg pelbagai

my research is going smoothly so far.. praises to The Almighty..

skrg dh tgh preparation for final sampling. rabu akan pergi survey tempat kt Gunong Stong, Jeli (3hours drvive from here). nk kene angkut segala bagai alat2, penat isi borang nk kuarkn alat dr school. aft sampling boleh focus kt my biochemical analysis. pagi td dh dapat email yg company akan send one of the kits tomorrow. alhamdulillah.

i am being very positive on everything. being optimistic. i'm working hard. i study hard. i woke up early for qiam. i recite qur'an. i perform my solat hajat. i recite yassin after subuh utk mudahkan urusan for that day. as smooth as my study, i'm hoping the best for my family. i plan where to stay if my family grew. i plan what to do if in God's willing i managed to convert to phd. no matter how i hate planning b4, i did plan thoroughly for my near future. i'm being optimistic~ until i had to break my fast today. i got my period. i dont want to accept it, but i got my period. i wont be able to use my upt kit.

i told myself that u cant hv anything you want. it won't be that easy. i told myself you cant be mad. who u want to be mad to? jgn berperangai mcm org yg tak beriman. but here i am, blaming everything in this life..

blaming everything that can be blamed.

******pathetic******



************

Saya pening

Hari ni saya pening n sakit kepala..

sistem USM health campus ni memang expert bab kasi org headache. my 2nd sampling this wiken. alhamdulillah, cukup lg duit. but, kalau kira2, mmg duit yg ada kt tangan mmg bakal habis dgn hebatnyer wiken nih. tiap2 kali sampling habis 3-4ribu. nx week dh nk ke Jeli. mmg confirm it will cost more that mere 4k. sbb jauh, nk kene book homestay for the team, duit minyak lagi.. rasa2nya dh lbh 3 minggu send tuntutan honororium, yesterday called bendahari, dia ckp, that form baru samp, so need another 14days to process. sabooo je laa..

then tepon k'den, petty cash yg apply last 2 weeks x sampai pn lagi. *dush..

i know i should apply samb kt otago je. confirm x pening ngan all this management problems. *haih.. nway, nothing is easy, yet nothing is impossible also.. BERUSAHA!

Bees..

why did people said 'as busy as bees'? mmg lebah selalu sibuk, deh?

'Sila datang office saya pukul 830, saya ada kije lain nak buat'.. received sms from penggawa daerah sering at 710am. dashed from my bed, shower, iron my clothes, drank a cup of vico.. and by 8am, already in the car.

it took me quite sometimes to search for the office. but as one of my anak usrah lived in that area, i managed to 'tidak mensesatkan diri'.. hehe.. (a pat on my back ^^ ).. discussed about my research.. Alhamdulillah, the penggawa was indeed very helpful. will be having a meeting with all tok penghulu and tok imam next week. hopefully by the end of the following week, i can have all my data collections done for this district. planning to go to pasir puteh as my nx destination.

by 940, already in usm. blm sempat smp lab, dr. dah msg 'jumpa skrg'.. so, campak my bag at the lab, and went to her room, where both of my supervisors were already waiting. reporting my progress, i managed to put xtra task on my shoulder when i agree to give oral presentation for the conference in Bangkok.. n by end of that meeting, i have my schedule full for the nx 2 months (BERUSAHALAH!!)

my checklist for today and tomorrow (wednesday off to KL for NSM conference):

- send abstract
- apply for advance in honororium (details of expenditure)
- register for 5th Congress of Dietetic conference : open PO
- PO for Statistical course
- meet bendahari for things to do in TT transfer to S'pore (ELISA kit)
- search for dietitians n nutritionist available this 10th april.
- letter to apply for staff nurse in blood collection

*** now i know, that being a master student, we learnt to become a kerani also.. with all this surat-menyurat yg perlu dibuat..

"verily, for every difficulties, there is relief" [94:6]

when family became stranger

(*** this entry does not related to my nuclear family..)

n.. when strangers became family..

i'm really pissed (pardon my word).. i mean, no matter what conflicts came btw the adults, why dragged urself into it? people always (n really mean ALWAYS) talk bad things about others when the other party dont get into good terms with them.. but, helloooo... if u r not satisfied with others, keep it to urself, dont drag other people to join u in 'boycotting' or 'hating' that person .. dh laa dosa benci kt org satu, nk tambah2 lg dosa ngumpat+suruh org lain benci kt org jugak...

there there.. istighfar.. ni kes 'luka lama berdarah kembali' la ni.. huhu... conflicts will always happen, but u learn to let it go, and put it behind.. but some people just want to live with it. making it bigger and bigger each day. n by each moment, the 'story' will worsen.. n i really dont get it, why some people cant live without gossiping.. its like their 'food of the soul' is talking bad about others..

i'm not a very good person. of that i already know.. i tend to do wierd stuff.. i rather 'run' compared to 'walk', i hang out with my students as if they are my buddy, i talk loudly, i cry in public when i lose my temper, i throw things at people when i'm mad.. etc etc.. but who are you to tell the public that u dont like me.. (i'm also not fond of your personality, but i dont go around telling bad things about you,n i treat you really well in public.. )..

nway, thats the old story.. but, i'm really hurt by that. if i dont know better; but i knew that memutuskn silaturrahim is a great sin, i really gonna ignore the person.. (may Allah forgive us all).. people said, blood is thicker than water, so what? everyone in the world has the same red blood cells ( altho there r diff types of rbc).

uh uh.. its me being emo again... i think its time to cook smtg.. pie or tart shud be good.. mybe i'll make custard or egg tart, popia will be good also.. (urghh... i need to exercise more.. )

**feeling better**

i want to eat..

afraid of getting fatter, but lately rasa mcm nk makaaannn je kerje [no i'm not pregnant -yet-]. mybe depression mode kot.. i need someone to tell me what shud i do next for my research.. doktor.. tulunnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! need to call of those penggawa.. makcik2 sekalian, tolong laa jadi subject utk research saya, cucuk sikit je, x sakit pon.. huhu....

since kak mona pindah, i havent got the chance (and also money) to buy a new fridge.. (desperately need one!).. sy xleh nk wat milkshake.. (sy rasa mcm nk minum milkshake). n i read how to make lassi (yogurt+milk drinks).. i want to make vanilla lassi!! (dulu penah minum kt kedai arab.. sgt best!! ).. nk wat karipap gak.. (okay.. karipap mmg xyah ada peti.. but i tend to make a whole BUNCH of karipap, n of course laa xdpt habiskn, so kene laa frozen kan the one yg x goreng lg).. same goes with donut.. smlm masa sembang2 ngn kakak kt lab nih, tersebut pasal tart.. so nk makan tat telur (nk kene sejukkn the pastry).. x selera nk mkn yg jual kt kedai (yes, sy mengada2, i prefer to eat smtg that i cooked myself even when it doesnt taste that good).. aih bila boleh balik nih.. nk try resepi tat peach yg tgh duk reka2 dlm kepala since yesterday..



hmm.... rasa2nyer sindrom2 depression mode ialah masak kot, instead of makan. nway, sy berusaha dgn struggle (really struggling) utk tdk menggemokkan diri.. huhu... (kaki terseliuh last time, masa nk panjat palang sits-up - sbb gradient die nearly 45degree.. sit-up yg mencabar fizikal.. so skrg berehat sebentar fr jogging).. ada dietitian baru yg comel kt lab nih, wat kawan joging petang2.. skrg plan nk beli reket tennis (altho sure nnti letih kejar bola je.. hehe)..

2010... a yr with a BZ beginning

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Entering the 2nd week of 2010.. and i think my energy hs bn nearly drained..huhu

1st, my research grant was cut another 2.5k!! sabor je laaaa... after all those defends. so, need to start writing another proposal to IPS to apply the 10k IPS grant (meaning another workload for my research, coz need to add another objective). nway, hopefully will get the short term grant soon.. i havent even start searching for my 150 subjects (thanks to the school for the delay... urghhh..).

okay.. tu grant.. last few days, my supervisor informed me about the 2nd NCEH, and as it is in colloboration with us, PERSALA (postgrads assc) , automatically we need to involved in all those planning, publicity, etc etc.. n atop of all that, i need to submit paper.. (well.. paper tu yg paling penting actually, but i was kept away from writing that paper by all other works)..

our tunas APEX prog (a workshop and hands-on prog in encouraging undergrad to further study), fr a RM7k project, tiba2 jadi RM30k project.. uh uh.. participants kene doubled, nk kene jemput uni luar, penceramah pun nk kene pilih yg ada high impact.. pastu kuiz sc end of this month (blm stat publicity pon lagi.. hoho).. rasa2nyer yg plg senang among all is that kursus kahwin projek.. huhu.. sbb awe just PA..so ulang-alik update dgn JAHEIK je (apart for reviewing kertas kerja and budget).

hopefully dlm masa terdekat x dipanggil meeting utk projek PPSK yg last time tunda due to budget constrain.. owh.. n projek amal to kemboja (saya sgt bz, boleh x kalu saya x ikot gi kemboja.. nnti research sy x siap.. huhuhu).. n projek 'pengantarabangsaan' with uni of sydney (walaupun sy teringin nk gi sydney n wat collaboration prog, tp bl fikir2 all the works yg nk kene buat, n meetings yg kene attend b4 the trip, i think i just tunggu my hubby bw sy gi jalan2 kt sana lah.. huhu..)..

apa2 pun.. i'm in a good mood sbb akhir bulan nih nk turun KL for konvensyen pemikiran ISHAB =D over excited nk gi jumpa my my loved oness (ramai nih.. hehehe..)

okay awe.. dh penat membebel utk lessen my stress.. (eventho smlm by berjaya membisingkn diri pasal byk ngt prog masa tepon..).. k awe, BERUSAHALAH!!

Friends

Friends come and go.. partially, i agree. some are like that.
sometimes, our bestfriends hv their own 'another' bestfriends.. which always managed to gv me a wierd feeling. altho i'm also like that. i mean, i hv few close friends during my high school. n another close friends during my matrix, n of course diff ones in uni. n my bestfriends during school will find another friends in matrix n uni.. n almost all of them, i didnt know (except mayb few). n as i also hv many 'guy' friends b4, it's unapproriate to be close with any guy as i'm married, n some of them are also married.

i realized that sooner or later, everyone will hv their own lives. lives that hardly include me. n somehow, that thought managed to make me feel 'lonely'. n as i managed to 'mencampakkan' diri to kelantan, i hardly able to meet most of my friends. altho i do hv friends (which i declare 'close') there, but they also hv their own friends. i dont know whether to believe 'absence makes heart grows fonder' or 'estrange by distance'. maybe if a short while, i'll be the 1st.. n aft sometimes, it'll become the later. usually, i make friends easily, but maybe its true that 'easy comes, easy go'.

nway.. i dont actually know which is my main point. huhu.. it keeps raining, and i'll be alone in this big house for few more days (n it do makes me feel lonely *sigh..). wish i can go out, but my car is not here.

my bestfriend masa f3 is getting married. congratulations dear! selalu anggap die bdk kecik (walaupun sama umur).. so its hard to register that she's getting married. nway, i wish her happiness.

ps: ini adalah contoh karangan yg bakal mendapat markah yg sikit kerana point tidak disusun dgn betul n gaya bahasa yg mengelirukan pembaca.

once a friend.. forever a friend (?)

it’s funny how our emotions managed to sway easily. It’s like suddenly you feel like crying for the simplest absurd reasons. One moment you are OK, and the other moment you feel like everything is wrong.. (yes.. i’m in that not soo wonderful emo state.. urghh... ) *keep reminding myself that ‘ingat Allah hati jadi tenang’..

today i ‘was reminded’ about one of my best friends in high school (we are the trio oh!-so-glamour-top-students-in-everything <-- it was then though).. i always respect those girl friends that stick together comes tide or high-water, because it seems that friendship is something that very hard to preserve.. you hold them too tight, it will suffocate them, but if loose, they will think that you dont care. Dont get me wrong, i have many wonderful girl friends that i love and care for (and i know they love me *heh heh).. but being in this emo-state (giving excuse to myself), those minority type of friends always manage to make me cry to sleep. It’s something that you just cant understand; there’s nothing wrong between both of you, you sms each other, you email each other, you meet during holidays, then suddenly.. *vanish* just like that. Once in a while, u receive ‘oh, sorry, i’m too busy’ email n sms as a reply.. *sigh... its a painful feeling, really, when a friend emit those ‘tak nak kawan dah’ sign.. uh uh, being emo is not good.. but to my dear friend, even if you are ‘too busy’, you should at least congratulate your ‘once-you-claimed-your-bestfriend’s wedding (altho its been a month)..

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nway, sorry for the merepek entry.. it’s just that i need to write everything down to feel better -supaya my zauj x perlu berdepan with awe yg emo (eventho on phone)... huhu..-. trying my best to show the good side of me, as adviced by Asma’ binti Kharijah r.a when her daughter is about to get married: “Engkau akan keluar dari kehidupan yang mana engkau membesar didalamnya. Engkau akan pergi ke tempat tidur, di mana kami tidak mengenalinya dan teman yang belum tentu menyayangimu. Jadilah kamu seperti bumi bagi suamimu, maka ia menjadi langit bagimu. Jadilah kamu seperti tanah yang datar baginya, maka ia akan menjadi tiang bagimu. Jadilah kamu di hadapannya seperti budah perempuan, maka ia akan menjadi seorang hamba bagimu. Janganlah kamu menutupi diri darinya, akibatnya ia bisa melemparmu. Jangan pula kamu menjauhinya yang bisa mengakibatkan ia melupakanmu. Jika ia mendekat kepadamu, maka kamu harus lebih mengakrabinya. Jika ia menjauh, maka menjauhilah ia dengan baik. Janganlah kami menilainya kecuali dalam hal-hal yang baik saja. Dan janganlah kamu mendengarkannya kecuali yang baik, dan janganla ia melihat kecuali yang indah pada dirimu.”

hoho.... berjaya sway from the topic (like always)..

okies.. feeling better. so back to work! BERUSAHA!!